Parenting Courses

Choosing parenting support that understands trauma, abuse and the reality of your situation.

Parenting after domestic abuse, coercive control and system trauma is not the same as parenting in a safe, stable environment.

Some parenting courses are helpful and empowering. Others can be misused by professionals to blame you, minimise abuse or demand “co-operation” with someone who has harmed you or your children.

This page helps you understand different types of parenting courses, how they can support you, and what to watch out for so that “parenting work” does not become another tool of control.

Why Parenting Courses Are Often Recommended

Courts, social workers and schools may suggest or require parenting courses in order to:

Show that you are engaging with support
Improve communication or routines
Address concerns about boundaries, structure or conflict
Demonstrate insight into your child’s needs
Evidence “positive change” for plans or court reports

On paper, this sounds reasonable. In practice, it can feel like you are being treated as the problem, even when you are the protective parent.

Types of Parenting Courses

There are many different parenting programmes. For example:

General parenting skills courses – routines, boundaries, communication, managing behaviour
Trauma-informed parenting courses – understanding how trauma affects children and parents
Separated parents / co-parenting courses – managing parenting across two households
Domestic abuse recovery and parenting – focused on parenting in the context of abuse and control
Specialist courses – for parents of neurodivergent children, children with disabilities or complex needs

What is appropriate depends on your situation, your child’s needs and the presence of abuse or ongoing risk.

What a Good Parenting Course Should Do

A safe, effective parenting course should:

Recognise the impact of domestic abuse and coercive control
Validate the reality of parenting under stress and fear
Support you in building safety, structure and emotional connection
Offer practical tools, not judgment
Respect your role as the protective parent
Be clear about confidentiality and how information will be used

You should leave feeling more equipped, not more ashamed.

Red Flags in Parenting Courses

Be cautious if a course or facilitator:

Minimises or ignores the abuse you and your children have experienced
Frames everything as “just conflict” or “communication issues”
Pressures you to “co-parent” with an unsafe or abusive person
Blames you for the abuser’s behaviour or for your child’s trauma responses
Uses your attendance (or non-attendance) as a threat (“If you don’t do this, social care/court will…”) rather than an offer of support
Speaks about “parental alienation” without considering abuse, risk or evidence
Reports back in a way that feels distorted, shaming or unsafe

If a course feels like punishment rather than support, it may be being misused by the system.

If a Course Is Required by Court or Social Care

Sometimes a parenting course is written into a Child Protection plan or court directions.

If this happens:

Ask which specific course they want you to attend (name, provider, content)
Ask what they expect you to gain from it
Ask how your attendance and participation will be reported
Keep your own record of what you learned and how you are applying it
Note any concerns about safety, bias or misunderstandings during the course

1VAA can help you prepare for this, understand the expectations, and document your engagement in a way that supports your case.

How Parenting Courses Can Help You

When the course is appropriate and safe, it can help you to:

Understand your child’s behaviour through a trauma lens
Develop tools for emotional regulation (for you and your child)
Build stronger routines and boundaries in a chaotic situation
Improve communication with your child about difficult topics
Connect with other parents who understand what you are going through

This can be especially valuable when you are parenting alone, under pressure, or while navigating court and professional involvement.

Questions to Ask Before Starting a Course

You can ask the provider:

“Do you have experience working with survivors of domestic abuse and coercive control?”
“Will my ex-partner be involved in this course in any way?”
“Will anything I say in the sessions be shared with social services or the court?”
“How do you approach situations where I do not feel my child is safe with the other parent?”
“Is this course focused on my parenting, my child’s needs, or both?”

Their answers will help you judge whether this course will help or harm your situation.

Recording Your Participation and Progress

If professionals have asked you to complete a parenting course, it can be useful to:

Keep a record of attendance (dates, times, sessions)
Note down key things you learned each week
Write examples of how you have used new tools or strategies at home
Save any certificates or written feedback you receive

This can show that you have engaged fully and are actively working to support your child, even in very difficult circumstances.

How 1VAA Helps With Parenting Courses

As a 1VAA member, we can:

Help you decide whether a suggested course is appropriate and safe
Support you in asking the right questions before you agree
Help you prepare if the course is required by social care or court
Work with you to record your learning and progress
Support you in raising concerns if the course is being used to blame or silence you

Our priority is that any parenting work you do genuinely supports you and your children — not the abuser or a failing system.