Abuse is not only physical.
If you feel afraid, controlled, monitored, belittled, blamed, confused, or like you are “walking on eggshells,” those are clear signs of domestic abuse or coercive control.
You are not overreacting.
Your instincts are valid.
If something feels unsafe, it usually is — and you deserve support.
Stay calm, listen, and reassure them that they did the right thing by telling you.
Do not press for details — just note their exact words.
Record behaviour patterns, not just disclosures.
Then contact us so we can guide you safely through the next steps before involving police or professionals, ensuring the disclosure is handled correctly.
This is one of the most common experiences for victims.
Professionals may minimise abuse, misunderstand trauma, or assume “conflict” instead of recognising coercive control.
Their disbelief does not mean the abuse isn’t real — it means the system is failing, not you.
We help you present evidence clearly, challenge inaccurate reports, and ensure your voice is heard.
This is known as post-separation abuse or legal abuse.
Abusers often weaponise the court process to control, intimidate or exhaust the protective parent.
It is not your fault.
We help you gather evidence, prepare statements, understand the legal process, and protect both you and your child from repetitive, coercive litigation.
Yes.
Abuse is not always obvious. Coercive control, isolation, humiliation, fear and intimidation are just as real as physical violence.
If something feels wrong, it usually is. You are not overreacting, you are not weak, and you are not alone.
Contact us. We will talk with you safely, assess risk and help you plan your next steps.
Do not panic. Their involvement does not automatically mean they are “taking your children”. But how you communicate with them really matters.
We can:
Help you understand the process
Attend meetings with you (where appropriate)
Help you prepare your evidence and key points
Ensure your voice is heard and recorded accurately
Ask for correct legal representation if needed
Contact us before your first meeting if possible so we can support you from the start.
This is very common in domestic abuse cases. Family court is often used as a weapon to continue control, intimidation or punishment.
We can help by:
Preparing your evidence and case chronology
Supporting you as a Litigant in Person or via a McKenzie Friend
Helping you with statements and documentation
Connecting you with the right solicitor or barrister where possible
You do not have to fight your ex, or the court, on your own.
This is a very common tactic in domestic abuse and child protection cases.
Victims of trauma often appear:
Anxious
Overwhelmed
Exhausted
Fearful
These are normal reactions to abuse, not proof that you are “unstable”.
We help by:
Challenging false allegations and inaccurate labels
Supporting you to access the right psychological or trauma support where needed
Protecting you from misleading narratives in court or social services
Ensuring trauma is properly understood as trauma, not pathology
You are not “mad”. You are traumatised, and trauma is treatable.
Children can struggle with:
Change and transitions
Loyalty conflict
Fear and confusion
Disrupted routines
1VAA recommends:
Listening calmly
Reassuring your child they are safe with you
Recording behaviour factually (what you see and hear)
Keeping a contact diary
Never leading or prompting disclosures or “putting words in their mouth”
If your child discloses harm:
Stay calm
Reassure them they have done the right thing by telling you
Do not push for details or repeatedly ask questions
Contact us immediately
We will guide you on the next steps before you contact police or professionals, to avoid common mistakes that allow cases to be dismissed.
You do not have to go to a refuge if that does not feel right or safe for you. There are other options.
We can help you:
Complete a risk assessment
Plan a safe exit step-by-step
Secure your home (CCTV, alarms, police flagging where appropriate)
Apply for protective orders (Non-Molestation Order, Occupation Order, etc.)
Relocate if needed, with a safety plan
You choose the path. We help you make it as safe as possible.
Ongoing contact, harassment or stalking after separation is a crime.
We can help you by:
Conducting a DASH risk assessment and 8-Steps-to-Murder review
Building an evidential report and clear chronology
Preparing a police handover file to speed investigation
Supporting applications for protective orders
Ensuring breaches are recorded and acted upon, not ignored
Do not ignore escalation. It is a red flag and needs to be treated seriously.
This fear is very common — especially for victims of abuse who are already being blamed or disbelieved.
Social care can misunderstand:
Trauma responses
Autism or ADHD
Domestic abuse dynamics
Protective parenting and safety planning
We help by:
Attending or preparing you for meetings
Reviewing reports and assessments for errors and bias
Ensuring law, guidance and safeguarding duties are followed
Challenging poor practice and unsafe recommendations
Involving the right legal professionals where needed
You are not alone in this. You do not have to face Social Services without support.
You are experiencing trauma, not weakness. Abuse destroys trust and safety. Survival mode often feels like chaos, numbness or panic.
We will:
Support you at your pace — no pressure, no judgment
Help you find appropriate therapy for you or your children
Guide you through legal and safeguarding processes
Be someone you can contact when everything feels too much
You do not have to be “strong” all the time. You just have to keep going — and we will walk with you.
Yes. If your question isn’t here, you can still contact us.
Email us. Message us. Ask us anything — safely, privately, without judgement.
We listen. We believe you. We help you find your way out.
If you recognise yourself in any of these questions, or your situation is complicated and doesn’t fit neatly into a box, you can still reach out.
Register for support or use our Contact page to send your question to the 1VAA team.
